Limericks

Jun 18, 2016
Originally published on June 18, 2016 12:21 pm
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website - waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything. This week, we reveal the secrets Frasier Crane doesn't want you to know. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JENNIFER BOOKER: Hi. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Who is this?

BOOKER: This is Jennifer from Richmond, Va.

SAGAL: Hey, I know Richmond.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh hey.

BOOKER: Yay good.

SAGAL: Confederate capital - what do you do there?

BOOKER: I...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No more - it used to be.

BOOKER: It did use to be. I am a teacher.

SAGAL: Oh wow.

BOOKER: Yeah, with one day of school left.

SAGAL: Hey, one more day. Well, how are you going to celebrate the year - you know what you should do at the end the day? Assign homework, just to mess with them.

BOOKER: Oh, that would be awesome...

SAGAL: Yeah.

BOOKER: ...Just to give them - yeah, I like that. I'll keep that in mind for tomorrow.

SAGAL: What grade do you teach?

BOOKER: I teach third grade.

SAGAL: Oh, third grade.

BOOKER: Yeah.

SAGAL: So they're fun still.

BOOKER: They are - yeah, they still like you. It's good.

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, Jennifer, welcome to the show.

BOOKER: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Are you ready to play?

BOOKER: Ready to play.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BOOKER: OK.

BILL KURTIS: Life's dullness cannot be ignored. No screens and I'm out of my gourd. My folks made my summer a three-month-long bummer. They're teaching me how to be...

BOOKER: They're teaching me how to be - oh, can you do it one more time for me? I teach...

KURTIS: Sure.

BOOKER: I teach school. I should be able to do rhymes.

KURTIS: Life's dullness - life's dullness cannot be ignored. No screens, and I'm out of my gourd. My folks made my summer a three-month-long bummer. They're teaching me...

BOOKER: Oh, how to be bored.

KURTIS: Yes...

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BOOKER: Sorry.

SAGAL: ...Bored.

KURTIS: ...Bored it is.

BOOKER: It's bored.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: There are a ton of activities for kids during the summer, from swim classes to chess club to trying pot for the first time near the abandoned train tracks.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, psychologists though are telling us now that what kids need most during the summer is boredom. Being bored apparently inspires creativity. The kids discover what they're really passionate about, which leads to greater confidence. So they have to be bored. So if you're listening to NPR with your kids right now, congratulations.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You're doing this parenting thing right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: All my colleagues today make me seethe. But my sword I'm able to sheath. I will not go to jail because I in and exhale. My Apple Watch told me to...

BOOKER: Breathe.

KURTIS: Breathe.

SAGAL: Yes, breathe...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Very good. At this year's Worldwide Developers Conference, Apple did not unveil a new world-changing iPhone or driverless car - no, no, no. They showed us an app that reminds you to breathe.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, Jesus.

SAGAL: That's why on Tuesday, everybody who did not have an Apple Watch died.

(LAUGHTER)

TOM BODETT: I could actually use that. When I get stressed out and upset - and this is - I mean, this would replace a very important function that my wife now provides me is if I'm writing an email, she can tell that I'm upset because I'm hitting the keys very hard. And she'll hear me go (heavy breathing) and - she'd be in the other room - she'll go breath.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, I've got good news. You can get rid of your wife...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Because now there's an app for your watch.

BODETT: Well, it will free her up to do other important things.

SAGAL: That's important.

BODETT: Yes.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, imagine a woman that has to sit around and listen for if Tom Bodett is breathing or not.

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: This is...

POUNDSTONE: You know, I'm against...

BODETT: This is what love looks like, Paula.

POUNDSTONE: I'm against electronics in general. But I'm going to make the rare exception to the rule here.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I really think you do need the Apple Watch.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: According to the app's developers, Breathe will help users relax by setting off an alarm to remind them to take some time out of their day for deep meditative breathing.

MO ROCCA: So it's not another voice. It's not yet another woman's voice telling you to breathe.

SAGAL: No.

ROCCA: It's actually an alarm.

SAGAL: Yes.

POUNDSTONE: It's an alarm telling you to breathe?

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: That's good.

ROCCA: Send you into a panic.

POUNDSTONE: What if you get all these signals confused and there's a fire one day?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It's like (imitating alarm). And you stand in the room going (heavy breathing).

BODETT: And you're breathing, right, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Jennifer, here is your last limerick.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Ready Jennifer?

BOOKER: I'm ready.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: We amphibians are horny dogs. We don't simply lay there like logs. A quick dorsal straddle and then we skedaddle. It's a new move for amorous...

BOOKER: Frogs.

SAGAL: Right...

KURTIS: Yes.

SAGAL: ...Frogs.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Scientists this week discovered a heretofore unknown seventh - seventh - mating position for frogs. That's right, your sex life, even more boring than a frog.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The new position is called the dorsal straddle, very exciting in amphibian circles. All we'll say about it here is that it involves using a stick or a branch for balance, and it's really better for frogs than for people. The...

POUNDSTONE: You know, not every female frog will do that, though.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, it changes what people think - or scientists who think about these things, what they expected about amphibian mating behavior. Frogs get bored and need to shake things up, otherwise one of them will suggest opening up their relationship to salamanders.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jennifer do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, Jennifer's a third grade teacher, and she got three right. Good going.

SAGAL: Well done, Jennifer. Congratulation.

BOOKER: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That is awesome. Thanks for playing, Jennifer, bye-bye.

BOOKER: Thank you, bye-bye.

POUNDSTONE: Thanks Jennifer.

(MUSIC)

BURL IVES: (Singing) Frog went a-courting, and he did ride. Frog went a-courting, and he did ride with a sword and a pistol by his side. He went down to Miss Mousey's door, uh-huh. Went down to Miss Mousey's door, where he had been many times before. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.