Lightning Fill In The Blank

May 7, 2016
Originally published on May 7, 2016 1:33 pm
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can, each correct answer now worth 2 points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Tom and Helen each have 2. P.J. has three.

SAGAL: Oh my goodness, P.J., you're doing well. So we have flipped a coin. Tom has elected to go first. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill-in the blank. On Wednesday, both George W. Bush and his father announced they would not endorse blank.

TOM BODETT: Donald Trump.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a federal judge said Hillary Clinton might have to give a deposition about using a private blank while secretary of state.

BODETT: Email server.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the governor of Georgia vetoed a law that would allow blank on college college campuses.

BODETT: Guns.

SAGAL: Right. After taking...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Part in a two-day sick-out that closed almost every school in the city, teachers in blank returned to work on Wednesday.

BODETT: Detroit.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a high school French teacher in Houston is being criticized because he can't blank.

BODETT: Speak French.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: President Obama closed his final blank speech by saying, Obama out and dropping the mic.

BODETT: Oh, the Correspondents' Dinner.

SAGAL: Right, White House...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Correspondents' Dinner. This week, the musical "Hamilton" broke yet another record when it was nominated for 16 blanks.

BODETT: Tony's.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After months of debate, construction crews in Belgium...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Finally began building the city's first-ever pipeline to transport blank.

BODETT: Beer.

SAGAL: Yes, of course.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: All right, Tom.

HELEN HONG: Wow.

O'ROURKE: Whoa.

HONG: Good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: It was going to be that or French fries and French Fries don't go down pipelines.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Da Halve Maan Brewery is running their beer pipeline underneath the streets of Bruges from its brewery to its bottling plant. They say it will make transport more efficient. It will also vastly increase the amount of construction workers accidentally hitting the pipe with jackhammers.

(LAUGHTER)

HONG: There's going to be a lot of drunk rats down there.

SAGAL: Yeah, I've discovered the best sewer in the world. Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Hard to believe but Tom got eight right, 16 more points.

BODETT: Thank you.

KURTIS: You have 18 and the lead, hard to catch.

SAGAL: Hey, you got them all right. That was very good...

HONG: Wow.

SAGAL: ...Tom.

BODETT: Why is that so hard to believe, Bill?

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: No one does it. You are the king.

SAGAL: There you go.

KURTIS: No one does it.

SAGAL: All right, Helen, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, blank was named the winner of Indiana's Democratic primary.

HONG: Bernie Sanders.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, President Obama visited Michigan and drank blank's tap water to show that it's safe.

HONG: Flint.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the U.S. government said it would start regulating blanks the same way it regulates tobacco.

HONG: Vape - vaping...

SAGAL: Yeah, e-cigarettes.

HONG: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, experts at the National Earthquake Conference said that Southern blank should start preparing for a high-magnitude quake.

HONG: California.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a man in Ohio was arrested on drug charges after he blanked.

HONG: Smoked weed?

SAGAL: No, after...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He asked a cop to help him find the bag of weed he had lost in his yard.

HONG: Oh.

SAGAL: A new study released Monday showed that blank was the third-leading cause of death in America.

HONG: Oh, medical mistakes.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Wal-Mart announced it would be bringing back blank to all of their stores.

HONG: The greeters?

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Ohio police attempting to search a drug...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Dealer's phone for evidence were stymied when blank.

HONG: They found nude photos only?

SAGAL: No, when they - when people kept texting the phone asking for drugs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So officers arrested the suspected drug dealer, and he was caught on video selling what proved to be methamphetamine. It was hard to prove their case though. They were trying to search his phone, and they kept getting interrupted by messages like I need that same thing again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hello, drug dealer, I would like to purchase some drugs, please. Officers ended up telling anyone interested in picking up drugs from the drug dealer that he would meet them at the police station. Bill, how did Helen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Helen did great - six right, 12 more points, 14. She still trails Tom with the lead.

HONG: Oh Tom.

SAGAL: But P.J. had a little bit of a head start. So how many does he need to win?

KURTIS: (Laughter) He needs eight to win.

SAGAL: All right, you've got to be perfect here, P.J.

O'ROURKE: No, no, it's not - really just not going to happen. You know...

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: I mean...

BODETT: You know, it's that competitive spirit that's gotten you to the top of your field...

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: ...P.J...

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: If I can vote for Hillary, I can endure defeat.

SAGAL: All right, here we go, P.J., this is for the game.

O'ROURKE: All right.

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the Justice Department ruled that North Carolina's blank law violated the Civil Rights Act.

O'ROURKE: Bathroom law.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew said serious action needed to be taken after blank defaulted on $367 million...

O'ROURKE: Puerto Rico.

SAGAL: ...In debt payments. Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the entire city of Fort McMurray was evacuated as a blank continued...

O'ROURKE: Fire.

SAGAL: ...To blaze through Alberta - wildfire...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Yes. This week, California raised the legal age to buy tobacco from 18 to blank.

O'ROURKE: Twenty-one.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A motorcyclist in Thailand is recovering well after an improperly-secured mattress fell off a truck, knocked him off his bike and then blanked.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Crawled across the street, got in that driverless car...

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It broke his fall. He was hit by the mattress, flew up in the air, landed on the mattress. He's fine.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Monday, it was announced that Malia Obama would be attending blank after taking a gap year.

O'ROURKE: Harvard.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After a chef in Italy prepared a vegan meal for a homeless shelter...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...In The diners responded by blanking.

O'ROURKE: Throwing it at him.

SAGAL: I'm going to give it to you. They told him they'd rather go hungry than eat vegan food.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Simone Salvini, who's renowned for his plant-based cuisine, decided to make a healthy vegan version of one of Bologna's most famous dishes - tagliatelle with meat sauce (unintelligible). Unfortunately for the chef, the patrons of the shelter said they'd rather return to the streets than eat anything vegan.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did P.J. do well enough to win?

KURTIS: He got six right for 12 more points. He has a total of 15, but he could not catch the flash from the Northeast, Tom Bodett.

BODETT: Oh, now you're compensating.

(APPLAUSE)

BODETT: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we're going to put the big political question to our panelists. Now that he's wrapped up the Republican nomination, who will Donald Trump pick as his running mate?

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